When it comes to finding a date, the Holy Grail is newness. Finding someone who doesn’t know your friends, has never met your ex, and whose baggage is at least a few degrees of separation away. But even in major cities, finding someone completely new is hard. We tend to run in certain circles – whether they be related to our education, religion, or occupation – and we have a tendency of overlapping socially. This is great for meeting friends and networking, but when you throw flirtation and matchmaking into the mix, it can get ugly – or at least complicated.
This gets messy.
Novelty Wanes
So we turn to dating websites – maybe computers can help match us up more effectively. But the problem is, dating websites these days are doubling as social networks. On OKCupid, for example, there is a thriving community of people meeting and sharing information about themselves…. and they all get to know each other. And then nobody is new anymore – OkCupid is a “scene” just like any other that we get sucked into.
There is also the stigma – nobody wants to be the person who spends a lot of time on dating websites. There are people you see over and over on OkCupid, Match, and Grindr. Nobody wants to date that person, either! That’s why people are constantly churning – deactivating and reactivating accounts – because they don’t want to be “regulars” of the online dating scene. But, at the same time, we need ways of finding people.
“Nobody wants to be the person who spends a lot of time on dating websites.”
To make matters worse, too much sharing online is detrimental to our real life dates. Sure, we need to share some basic information to see if there is a minimum of compatibility, but when we start sharing our deepest beliefs and values via multiple choice on a website instead of sitting across the table from someone, you know things are getting out of hand. What do you ask on your first date when you’ve already read five personality tests the other person has taken?
A Better Way
Circl.es is built to do less. It identifies mutual attraction and then gets out of the way. It may not find you a life partner but it can probably find you a few dates. And, most importantly, you won’t have to worry about overexposure. There are no “profiles,” only “snapshots” which you make a decision on and move on. Users only see your snapshot once. You never see your Facebook friends, and when you say “not interested,” that person will never see you on Circl.es again.
You get one shot, baby.
When you have browsed all your potential matches, you can rest assured that your profile is only being viewed by the people you have an interest in – real, potential dates. So when you get to the “You’ve Seen It All” page on Circl.es, you should be happy: we’re not showing you duds, and we’re preventing overexposure - for you and for everyone else on the site.
Then, when you finally get a match and meet up in person, you can learn more about their personality…. gradually, through conversation. The old fashioned way. You can assign your own numerical “match” score if you want (but we don’t recommend it). In fact, you may find that logic and numbers don’t translate well into the realm of romance. And that’s okay.
A good online dating site recognizes this and embraces it. Simplicity, subtlety, honesty: these are the hallmarks of a decent dating site. These are the values which underlie Circl.es; we hope you’ll give the site a try.
It makes perfect sense (just like all the rest of the thinking behind Circl.es).
But I have to admit I’d like to at least have the off-by-default option to also have my facebook friends as possible matches. I have a lot of “friends” I added back just to be polite, but who are essentially strangers. Maybe they are interested in me but never actually said it?
Even simpler and better reason: I have some friends who I’m slightly interested in, but not enough to actually pursue them right now, since I’m flirting with someone else. What if Circl.es told me about them? That would be awesome.
It would also help turn up the density in new areas. Today I made 7 friends sign up, and none of them got any matches. I told them to invite friends and explained the logic, but we’re all a little puzzled by this one (and ONLY this one) restriction.
Other than that, circl.es is amazingly intelligent. I sure hope it catches up where I live.
(By the way, if you want me to elaborate or need any help expanding it, translating it, anything, feel absolutely free to contact me via the email provided with this comment.)
I responded to Fabio via email but just wanted to say here that we have plans to enable you to say you are “Interested In” existing friends without losing any privacy (for them or for you). Stay tuned!
[...] your snapshot is only visible to people you’re really interested in, and nobody else. This limits your exposure and makes you a cooler person. Circl.es is not a social network or a place to hang out… [...]
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